I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
