I just threw up on my dentist
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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