Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I am available for nakedness
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Randomize
