My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Randomize
