ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
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