My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
