Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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