The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
