Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
