i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize
