Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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