apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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