Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Randomize
