he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
i dont even know how to be here
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I have grass duct taped all over my body
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Randomize
