So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
