Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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