There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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