Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Randomize
