Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize
