im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
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