I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Need sex. Gaining weight.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
