I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
