she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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