i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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