I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
This girl is more easily done than said...
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
