I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize
