He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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