I heard we made out
I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
