if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Randomize
