I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Just puked most of my soul out..
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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