she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
people are starting to question the shark bite story
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Randomize
