Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
