An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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