if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
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I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
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i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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