This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
