I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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