I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
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