Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Randomize
