i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
