you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
