Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
