new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
