I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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