This is not my ceiling
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
