just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
