Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Randomize
