she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
