he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
