We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Randomize
