Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
