I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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