ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
