She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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