Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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