You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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