the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
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