Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
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