I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
