Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
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