I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
