i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
