i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
