You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
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