She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
