Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
my mouth tastes like poor choices
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
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