You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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