the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize
