i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
