at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
