As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
25 People Share How They Got Out Of Their Longest Dry Spell
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
21 People Confess Their Craziest Online Dating Experience
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.