how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
