I murdered the dance floor call the cops
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.