He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
21 Of The Most Impressive Things Ever Seen In Porn
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
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Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.