I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
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