I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
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so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
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But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation