My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.