She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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